Please Remember Me
by Angel Leviathan
Summary: PGSM. The girl she remembers used to be Mars and now calls herself Hino Rei.


**Title:** Please Remember Me

**Author:** Angel Leviathan

**Rating:** PG-13

**Spoilers:** Whole series

**Disclaimer:** PGSM characters, concept, etc, aren't mine.

**Notes:** Translation of some lines from Shingetsu, but have been altered a little, only because of a difference of opinion on the translation.

* * *

She remembers everything they will not. She remembers battles, screaming and bleeding, every battle but the last won by the famed Sailor Senshi of the Silver Millennium. She realises that, one day, perhaps as they destroy a youma, send an attack forth, they might remember a few seconds of their pasts, remember fighting on home soil, protecting their Princess…and each other. The one she will leave behind to lead in her place, she is sure, remembers at least something. Perhaps a smile or a scream of agony, but it is something that makes her more cautious, and more powerful, than the others. She wishes she could tell her everything, sit her down and explain why everything seems to be racing out of control, but she knows she wouldn't stay long enough for her to even begin. And the face of the girl escaping her would not be the features of the girl she remembers. 

The girl she remembers used to be Mars and now calls herself Hino Rei.

Minako tried to jog her memory once. More than once. By giving her the stage name of 'Mars Reiko' she tried to force the one known as Rei into remembering. Nothing. She felt nothing, saw nothing, remembered nothing. Continued to fight her at every step. Didn't even realise…what was right in front of her. She calls her 'Mars' constantly. Has never called her Rei. Not even once. Then again, she supposes, the favour is returned by her never calling her 'Minako'. But she is not Minako, she is Venus and always has been.

_When you awaken as a senshi on your own…you'll be able to understand everything. I…that's what I'm waiting for._

It only takes three words. Laughable. Three words and the face of her former lover is staring straight back at her and yet it is still not Mars who fights beside her. Oh, she has the appearance and the strength of Mars, but it is still Rei very much in control. Still Rei who very much does not understand her and doesn't remember that she ever loved her at all.

When she finally awakened and attained her full powers, Minako waited for some reaction from the girl. She got none. Waited and waited for her to reclaim her memories, just…anything. Mars was stronger in battle, in command of herself and her powers with greater ease, but the senshi of the past wasn't guiding her. She was using the strength she had gained from being with people she truly trusted…and from attacking the senshi of Venus for every last spiteful, longing look. She doesn't know the damage she causes. She doesn't remember how to love the defiant leader before her.

_Love is important…but I'm afraid of it…_

Maybe what hurts the most is that Rei is no different from Mars, really. She is still as stubborn and as passionate, wary of others and closely guarded, but Mars is long dead. She is the same soul and is granted the powers of the Senshi of the flame, but this girl hates her. This girl won't leave her alone. This girl is the only one who truly knows anything about her and yet knows nothing at the same time. Minako is never truthful with her. She mocks and taunts and pushes her, hoping for some reaction, some spark that will let her see the one she loved so much, make her remember, but is thwarted at every turn. This Mars is too smart for her own good. Or Minako is careless. The avatar of love and beauty doesn't understand love. She doesn't understand how it works. She realises that love binds every soul together, but doesn't understand that she too is a part of the chain, and though she fights to break free before it is too late, she cannot escape. She doesn't want to inflict pain when she is pulled away from them and doesn't understand she is causing more by not allowing herself to love them.

_Lately I've started to hate the words 'past life'…_

She cannot escape the past because she is the past. She is the only one who remembers anything. She remembers how much they all loved each other, remembers that even their graceful Princess Serenity would run around screaming with them when they were young girls. They defended her with their lives since they were five years old. She can't remember a day of her life without Mars, Mercury and Jupiter in it and now she cannot remember a day when she hasn't tried to avoid making further ties with them. She has protected Serenity…now Usagi…longer than they have, watched her, and them all, when their senshi souls were still sleeping. She expected Rei to be the first to awaken, the words were true when she spoke them. Because the priestess was the only one to show even a slight spark of power without her senshi gifts. Saw the future, saw the truth. Maybe that is why they can no longer hold a conversation without making snide remarks, without ending in a screaming match. She is the past and Rei is the future.

Minako wonders what she would have done had her body not betrayed her. She remembers youth and never a sick day in her life, thanks to her senshi crystal, but what of her now? Something is slowly killing her from the inside out, forcing her into faints and forcing her to run from them. She stated that Venus would not die even if she were to and wishes Makoto had not taken her words to heart. Makoto was the only one who understood her ties to the past and the only one she would ever be able to drag back into it with her. She nearly destroyed Jupiter that day. The only time she ever opened up to one of them that wasn't trying to provoke Rei. She knows that Rei blames her for that. She might be silent and fume quietly, but she does.

_One more thing. If I'm not accepting the past life...then you…you're not accepting the present_

She cannot accept the present, nor the girl of Hino Rei, because she will never be a part of it. Looking to the future would mean she would expect one when she knows it is impossible. She knows she will soon leave them and so sees no point in fighting or changing it. Minako pretends she can get by on her own and pretends the love she has for her long lost Mars isn't destroying her, that seeing the girl become the senshi she remembers doesn't kill her every time. It is as if she sees a ghost. Won't let 'Mars' touch her. She can take sanctuary as Venus, because, despite the appearance and the girl dancing and singing on stage, it is who she truly is. Minako is foreign to her. Venus is safety. She remembers blonde hair and red bows, not dark hair and dark eyes, and still gets a shock when they stare back at her in the mirror. The same shock she gets each time she sees Rei become Mars. Because Rei is not Mars and Venus is not Minako.

_Just as we have a past life, there will also be another one after._

She wonders if they will cry for her when she is gone.

Maybe her death will finally force Rei to remember.

But she is glad she won't see any tears Rei sheds.

Because all the time she has spent walking away she has spent loving her.

She just wishes she could admit it.

Even to herself.

**Fin**


End file.
